Thursday, May 31, 2007

Quote of the day

You know you're white trash when your favourite colour is shiny.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Notes to self for staying out of trouble:

1. Work as hard as possible. Fill any available spare time with more stuff to do.

2. Save for these things - house, car, holiday, orthodontic work. In no particular order.

3. Refine the coffee addiction to being a diet supplement.

4. Give as much of your energy and time in support to others as possible.

5. Lock your heart away for another time and place because there is no available time to deal with pain now. Remember that love is a luxury.

Monday, May 28, 2007

The Monday Melee

Fanfare... Monday Melee!!! Flags! Waving banners! Streamers!

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something you absolutely hate.
Being horny at a time where I can’t do anything about it.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
Just plain bogus is the fact that it’s taken me all day to upload the pics from Friday night’s drunken shenanigans.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
See #1.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
Rootietoot for firing up InDruBloDa, the more world-minded cousin of NaDruBloDa, the day of drunk blogging. I had an absolute ball last year, and consequently stumbled upon some really great bloggers who I now count as good friends. Even if you don’t drink you can participate as a Designated Blogger.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
The new sports tops I got today. They’ve got the “hidden” support bra in them and since I can finally squeeze into a size eight they effectively smash my boobs into a great boy look. If I combine them with another sports bra I’ll have the look that I want.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
An easy solution to #1 and #3.

Friday night festivities

I'm not a student. But I'll act like one anyway, drinking far too much cheap alcohol for my own good, most weekends. Friday night after a rather large pub session, flatmate Cruiseydyke and I decided to commune over cards and a goon bag. Classy stuff. Then flatmate Gayman decides to join in the festivities with a budget Cosmopolitans. So basically, we got blind and there's photos.

Meet Gayman and Cruiseydyke.

They are situated near the stupid frusrating jigsaw that we still haven't finished and got a little trashed later in the night. Ithink it's time to lay it to rest. Cruiseydyke admitted to wanting to take photos if it with a blue sheet underneath to make it look finished so she could bust it up and get rid of it.

Conversations with Cruisey.

Vic being the Groover that she can't help being.

Booty dancin' (yep, that's me lying on the floor).

A very drunk Gayman who doesn't actually smoke at all.

Vic, telling the world to piss off because I've got wireless and I'll put whatever music I want on shuffle from anywhere in the house from my laptop, so deal with it. And I'll fart in your general direction if you can't.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Letters to Gretel

Attn: Gretel Killeen
Can you tell the Upper levels of the Big Brother enterprise that the intruder thing sucks for me?

Attn: Gretel Killen
Your hair has come loose and there is a piece hanging in front of your right ear.

About a word

Love. This word scares the pants off me. It carries so much weight with me that I don’t believe I can commit to saying it with being entirely certain of my feelings. Otherwise it’s a lie and I don’t like doing that.

I find it difficult to tell my family that I love them. I don’t often at all. I tell my sister that I love her but usually in response to her saying love you, mate. It drags an automatic response from me of love you too. But I never think to say it. I tend to reserve that word for intense, life changing feelings. A feeling where I give myself entirely to another person. For life. I felt it truly once. It got shat on royally and now I feel as if I cannot say it ever again. As if I won’t, but also that I don’t want to. I think I’ll lock that one away for a while and let it mature with time. It’ll come out again, maybe. But it will have a completely different flavour – probably a lot more subtlety and complexity.

Writing this and reading what I’ve got so far makes me think I’m coming across as a heartless shit. This is not what I am. I guess I love my friends and family and anyone and everyone I meet that has a decent heart (and even those who don’t – there’s got to be something in everyone, you just might have to dig sometimes). But not in a way that I can say the word. I even find it difficult to type here. Love. I can do it. But saying it, typing it…. It feels almost like a betrayal. A covert dirtiness that I shouldn’t do. Lying.

Maybe I should adopt a word that describes the feeling of wanting to do anything for someone when it isn’t love in that intense, soul smashing sense. Any suggestions?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Quote of the Day

Scene: Boy's boarding school, character Vic has just finished teaching Cool Bass Student and is about to head off for morning tea of yoghurt and nuts, which is not by any stretch of imagination an indication of a health kick - it is an indication of Vic's work earlier in the day at the veggie shop. Vic fishes the bag of natural goodness mixed nuts out of her bag in preperation for morning tea while the student packs up...

Cool Bass Student: Oh cool, you've got nuts. You gotta love your nuts. I love my nuts.

Do you now, son. That's good to know. I would love them too if had them.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Letters to Gretel

Attn: Gretel Killeen
You don’t know me. I don’t really know you. Can we resolve this?

The Monday Melee

Okay so it's Monday Melee late on a Wednesday night. I'm late, fuck it. I don't care at this point.

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something you absolutely hate.
Not being in control of my emotions. Or being in control of my emotions but not being able to express them. Or just not getting what I want.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
This question. It's designed to piss me off and make me think too much every fucking week. Deal with it.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
Not having enough time in Planet Newy. I feel robbed for time and spent the entire day pissed off at my workplace for the fact that I had no more time off.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
The wonderful, brilliant, awesome and not to mention pretty damn gorgeous Kate for inviting myself, Gayman and another traveller to share her home. I feel priveledged to have had such a good time.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
I look fantastic in bike pants. And I'm so full of shit.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
The unattainable to become attainable and land on my doorstep ready to go - no later than NOW, dammit.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Pardon me, but it's a big-ass sky.

As a house bonding/mental escape exercise I bought a few jigsaw puzzles on the weekend.

There's something satisfying about finding a piece and hearing it snick into place. And there's the little tap thing where you line up the piece just on top of where it is supposed to go and then pop it in as if to say There. That's that one taken care of then. Job well done.

It's been cool. Various honorary housemates have wandered through and had a go as well as the original three. I get up at five in the morning and pop a few pieces in over coffee. I walked in yesterady to find three people gathered round the table listening to music and popping in a few pieces. But now we've hit the wall. There's a jigsaw mostly complete taking up the entire coffee table and a box sitting on top of it containing the final bits to get done. And they're all blue. The fucking sky always takes forever. One day I will cheat the shitty ending period of spending half an hour trying find one stupid blue piece to fit the gap I've chosen to make smaller and just do the sky first. Then the rest will fly along.

Cruiseydyke wanted to take a photo of the puzzle with blue paper under the empty bits where the sky should be to say we did it and then tear the thing up and put it away. Very cool idea, but it crosses a line for me. It is an inanimate object and therefore cannot be allowed to win. It is a process that needs to followed through until the end in order to allow satisfaction. It is making me wake up and realise how particular I am.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Today. Different to every other Today.

Today is the day I start early on yet another four hour sleep session.

Today is the day I think I’ve stuffed the vacuum cleaner at work while indulging in the guilty pleasure of sucking up all the dirt around the brushed potatoes. I’ve been good about avoiding the almost sensual relief of sucking the onion skins up the tube but I’ve moved on and found a substitute pleasure. I hit a big patch of dirt today and the bloody thing choked. Not all pleasures work out well.

Today is a day that I hear a voice that makes me violent. Ill inside. Today I contemplate the difference between hate and disdain, brought on by that voice. I hate because I disdain so much? I hate because any word, any sight, any thought, any allusion to the object of disdain causes me to lose control of my usually calm and easy going demeanour. I succumb to imagery of incredible violence. I hate because this is not good for me.

Today I chain-suck Eucalyptus lollies. I try to avoid crunching them at the end but dammit I always forget.

Today I think about yesterday’s rehearsal and feel good and kick-arse confident about my own bass playing.

Today is the day that I take some good advice and walk to meet a friend for lunch rather than drive, even though the weather is falsely portraying a lovely warm day. Blue skies. Clear sunshine. Fucking cold.

Today I give credit to the wonderful Kate Isis for the idea for this post with her own brilliant post This Is...

Today I drove past my own driveway and had to do a U-turn in front of a council truck. I waved.

Today I laugh because life is a rollercoaster and it might make me feel sick or might make me feel elated or it might make me feel anywhere in between. I laugh because fuck it, I’m still on the ride.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Stuff. I Guess.

Sometimes it feels like such hard to work to fill your own shoes each day. I envisage my soul as a balloon that deflates and refills depending upon the outlook of the moment. Depression left me feeling hollow. Deflated inside. It was not enough that people cared for me. It was only when I started to give a lot of myself to others that I felt filled. Fulfilled, I guess. When I am proud and happy and confident that soul balloon swells to the point that I think I’m going to burst with self.

All I Want Is Coffee

This week has been a nightmare of working, teaching, doing rehearsals and catching up with and supportin friends. Not to mention that I've got a few personale problems that really need to be worked out. Oh, and I bought a new guitar that really needs to be communed with. So basically I've been getting a maximum of four hours of very broken sleep at night. The sleep is broken mainly because I'm paranoid that I'll miss the alarm in the morning.

So coffee has become an even bigger part of my life. It has to be of the instant variety in the morning. Purists may shudder at the thought, however what I value about this particular type of coffee is it's name. Instant. And that's exactly right. As if I'm going to wait for plunger or any other tossy crap when I've just got out of bed and need to function somewhat normally in a short period of time!

I like it in a mug. Cups are a fraud. The experience is over before you even warm up to it. So, in a mug, two heaped teaspoons of instant coffee and one fairly level sugar to take out the bitter edge. And then milk. Only a little. Just to change the colour. A friend calls my coffee mud whenever she makes it.

I'm happiest if I can charge down two or three of these in the morning before going anywhere. But then you get a morning such as this one. Where things go pear shaped because even though there are three people in one house that is situated a grand total of three blocks walk from the main street and (insert gameshow host voice here) the Supermarket it seems to be that I am without milk this morning. I was without coffee a couple of days ago until I bought a big fuckoff one kilo tin of the stuff at the wholesalers. I didn't run the milk out. I don't eat cereal. I use less than half a fucking centimetre of the stuff in my coffee of a morning.

I'm not the type of person that will have my own personal bottle of milk in the fridge that no-one else can use to ensure that I've got it for my coffee. Milk is a shared item, and I think segregation of food on that level is just being a selfish asshole. Just when it runs out can someone replace it? Or let me know and I'll replace it. Black coffee sucks the big one.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Quote of the Day

I've been trying to get a thirteen year-old to use alternating index and middle fingers instead of his thumb to play a passage of melody on his guitar. Instructions got written on top of the piece of music and I sent him home last week to practise it.

This week, the thumb is there in full force, doing the job that should be done by the alternating fingers. Now, I like this kid and get along with him really well, so I'm pretty casual in the way I chip him about it:

Vic: Oy buddy, what happened to using your fingers instead of your thumb?

He looks at me. He blinks. He shrugs and says

Absolute gold.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Lemur Control: Plan of Attack

Here we have a proposal to supplement Old Knudsen's War On Lemurism. Like a good Australian I'm running to the side of a stronger force...

Lull them into a false sense of security, providing them with all the mod cons.

Give them a government benefit and free health care so that they feel no desire to work or integrate themselves into society.

Allow them to become more fat and more lazy and dependant upon a diet of junk food, beer and cask wine.

Return them to the wild.

The Monday Melee

I've missed a few installments of the Monday Melee and the guilt has been eating away at me.

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something you absolutely hate.
People who charge through life having everything land in their lap relatively painlessly, as well as causing great pain to almost everyone closely associated with them and being totally uncaring and oblivious to this fact.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
Not all gay men are clean. It's a myth. Nothing shits me more than uncovered food in the refrigerator.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
The fact that I've unable to blog for so long. I feel out of the loop and it's always harder to get back into something when you've been out for a while.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
Cruiseydyke, for being a laid back flatmate who makes coffee and does the washing up.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
The fact that I'm not with that awful heart-breaking shit of a girl any more. Wish that others would feel the same.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
Everyone to get along. Bitch-free, hassle-free, anger-free. Just forget the shit.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Yes, I'm In.

We're unpacked. We're establishing house rules. It's all starting to work. The cats already own half the complex.

My gorgeous sister Kat sent me a picture in response to my last post about moving:

Check out her blog Mike and Kat on Tour if you like travel or just damn good photography. Absolutley amazing shots.

What I find so cool is that this is real. I mean der, but this is so much more real to me because someone I know well has actually seen it. Call me shallow.