Quote of the Day

Who was it that figured out you could milk a cow?

... and what were they REALLY thinking?

Quote of the Day

A physician can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

- Frank Lloyd Wright

Quote of the Day

All I want is a nice glass of wine.

And a cardigan.

Quote of the Day

Not so much a quote, but a humorous writing on a toilet roll dispenser:-

"Turban repair kit."

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Quote of the Day

Heard on a children's television show:

Just sit there and practise until your blisters harden into callouses.

Damn, I should have been using that one on my students all along.

Quote of the Day

"Vic's back is like a jigsaw puzzle that doesn't fit together."

Quote of the Day

"The problem with your gene pool is that there's no lifeguard."

Quote of the Day

Again, to Scumbag Queen, The Mole.

Aww cheese. Yum. I love cheese. It’s my favourite of all yellow foods.

Quote of the Day

...goes to Scumbag worker The Mole.

”It’s more useful than a cucumber in a women’s prison.”

Quote of the Day

From a recent day out with Boz and EspressoHead…

Boz: You should join the Vulcan pick-up lines group. It’s awesome.

Quote of the Day

.... goes to Erin the massage chicky at Chiropractic Plus, who attempted to put right the weirdness in my shoulder. It has caused massive pain for the past few days, after tweaking it the wrong way trying to be a mechanical hero.

"Your neck is ludicrous, just quietly."

Quote of the Day

The universe is full of magical things, patiently
waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

- Eden Phillpotts (1862-1960)

Quote of the Day

May you always have success in your quest to irritate those who you despise. -Ben Goode

Quote of the Day

I hope life isn't just a big joke 'cause I don't get it.

Quote of the Day

Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue.

Quote of the Day

via text message from KelSuperStarSinger:

How are things in the land of vic? You haven't blogged forever!
I miss your wit charm and crap.

Quote of the Day

"Be not estranged from your booty,
lest you need to shake it."

- Kaz Cooke, The Little Book of Crap

Dialectual Text Messaging/Quote of the Day

I have one friend who is absolutely brilliant at conveying their tone and manner of speaking in a text message. Their own personal dialect, presented almost phonetically in a text message.

Now normally I detest poorly spelt and punctuated text messages. But this person is brilliant. If you've ever read and respected Irvine Welsh's Trainspotting for the written imitation of the Scottish dialect of the characters, you might know what I mean. This message describes the way that this person speaks so much that you can hear it in your head as you read.

Here is a prime example:

U bitch and tell bill i said get fukd. I nearly believed u ay that was a good 1 u had me goin ay

Brilliant is all I can say.

Quote of the Day

We have a work ritual of sorts.

Every morning we get to the yard early, pack all the necessary crap (and more just in case) into the trucks, and then leave for our assigned mine sites for the day. They're all about an hour away on the same highway, but instead we leave about an hour and a half early.

Are we out to beat the traffic?
Hell no.

We're heading out for breakfast.

We all stop at the same pie shop, regardless of which pit we're heading to. This is the chance to be truly sociable. We've done the hard yards already in packing all the gear and now we can relax in getting there. Time to kick back, have a pie and a smoke and catch up with the other workers you haven't seen for a while.

This morning Tallboy sits silently, pie propped up prominently in his fingers, unbitten as yet, and regards his meal with almost a look of wonder. After a while he looked at us and said

"This...
is what made me go to bed last night.

I knew if I slept, this pie would come around quicker.
That it was only on the other end of a sleep."

And with that he bit into it.

Quote of the Day

Out on a mine site where everybody brings a cooler bag for lunch, Mister SexyAwesome pulls out a handful of candy canes instead.

I wasn't allowed to have them as a kid, he explains. 'Cause I used to suck them into a point and stab people with them.