It's always been there a little, but over the last six or eight months I've desperately wanted a penis. To become something else. To express these traits so deeply a part of my interior workings on the exterior. I've actually felt like a part of me has been missing.
But I wanted the right one. Lack of sex shops in the area (actually there's none in town) means I have to travel to look. Which requires time. Online is a possibility, but I'd rather see the product in the flesh. Funnily, also... The dick that I have in mind as mine is a relatively small one. And do you think you can find anything small easily in a sex shop?
So I left it. And what's happening to me now is that the desperate obsession is subsiding. Don't get me wrong, it's still there a little. I think that I pushed my own thinking and feelings to an extreme, and now I'm settling back into a more balanced mix of gender ideals. Rather than just wanting to be male. I am non gender specific. It works for me, but not having an existing gender role to identify with leaves me a little lost. But that's okay. At the core of it all I am Vic.
At the local art gallery I found what I once thought I needed.
And I walked away.
3 comments:
Daisies on your toenails? Who ever gave you that idea. It would take quite a steady hand to accomplish such a feat especially if you were holding said penis in your hand hun.
I'll take you shopping next time your down this way.
A desperate obsession subsiding, and you know who you are at your core...that sounds like monumental growth and evolution. In fact, if "congratulations" didn't sound so trite, I would say it here.
(That's a great photo with your reflection in the glass.)
You are Vic.
You are the Groover.
You don't need to be anything else.
Though I like the idae of shopping for a penis. I'm quite happy with mine but for most of us it's a lottery.
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