The lemon tree out the front... It was ugly. It was dangerous. It was never going to fruit. It had spikes on it that are a prime example of what I think of as "Nature Says fuck off".Gayman was drunk. With a pair of secateurs. And a shovel.
It was a late night battle fought in relative drunken secrecy so that the other neighbors in the strata didn't catch him. I walked outside after being shown the trophy portion - now displayed triumphantly on top of the stereo - to find a waist high trunk and a litter of debris across the lawn. With the aid of trusty Vic, also drinking at the time, the final battle was won. It was a death struggle involving Gayman determinedly pitching his shovel about the base with Vic hauling all her weight against it. The final death thrust came with Gayman standing on the bent and battered remnant of the tree that was.
Unfortunately the secret war has not gone undetected. The neighbours have noticed the absence of the tree they drive past every day. Somebody has checked our green waste bin. It is only a matter of time until the inquest from the high authourity of the real estate agency begins.
9 comments:
Digging up tree's with thorns in the middle of the night - Has Gayman seen the movie "Mommy Dearest"?
Pruning: the Australian way?
You two ought to set yourselves up in the tree surgery business. I'd love to watch the faces of your clients wben they see you in action.
Haha! Poor lemon tree. You know no tree is beyond saving. The problem with that tree (by the looks of the leaves) is that it's lacking in certain nutrients. Some all purpose fertiliser and urea would do it (or gayman could just piss on it).
Murderers! =p
To the bloody tree hugger lesbian thing!!!!
The tree had nothing nutritionally wrong with it, there were some occurrences of curly leaf (fixable yes but not worth the time) there was also extensive frost bite.
The tree was actually the grafting stock that is use for lemon trees; it is a wild and non-fruiting variety. the root-stock or grafting stock lemon has spikes on it that can get quite large, up to 4 or more inches (small when you talk about cock but large when u think about injuring people).
On a side note my mum is a horticultural landscape designer. I grew up working with plants and have an extensive knowledge.
PS. next stop... your brussels sprout you nutta!!!!!!
To the tree Nazi.
As one of the founding members of the house of gay I deeply resent the murderous remark left on your last comment. I have stumbled home numerous times in the early hours of the morning only to be met by the menace that is the wild lemon tree. Its deadly spikes have on many occasions proven a formidable foe while trying to get to the front door.
A menace like that needed to be eradicated. If not for my safety, someone else’s.
Dudes! What's with the hate?
I was only joking (hence the Haha and the =p) I would have thought my post's tone made this clear, perhaps not. I'm all for removing - not hugging - menacing trees.
Sorry if my post was unclear and offended you Gayman and Cruisydyke, but I don't think I deserve to be abused like that.
Even if you're 'right' and I'm 'wrong' about what's wrong with the tree, that doesn't give you the right to call me a nutter, 'lesbian tree hugger thing' or 'nazi.' Nasty =S.
I feel sorry about the complement I gave you guys in the flower post =(.
Apologies, Taz, if you're offended.
Text is so inadequate at conveying tone and intent, I think.
Not offended Vic. I was pissy though - but like you said it's all from the whole internet communication thing.
I was having a dig at you (in fun I hope you realise now) and your housies defended ya. Can't blame 'em for that. =)
We have a lemon tree too with those big spikes -- they produce little lemons that look like little orange balls, smaller than a gold ball. They have the most beautiful floral scent. Inside are tons of lemon seeds and the juice is a perfumey combination of lemon and lime. mmmmmm. Well worth the thorns!
Post a Comment