Vic’s ”YOU’LL LEARN” list

Chorizos go in Chimichangas. DUH
(at least they do in my version)

Measuring cups are required for measuring things.

There will come a time when you will, undoubtedly, require salami.

Every roast potato “fuck-I’ll-chuck-it-in-it-can’t-be-that-hard” experiment has been utter failure. Look up trustworthy advice and follow it.

Saucepan does not equal Frypan.
You don’t own a frypan.

The big fuckoff burner at the front of your stove won’t simmer. It knows only hard boil and flat out.

Five gladware containers is NEVER enough.
Buy two packets.
Or start eating chinese takeaway more.

White corn tortillas SUCK!!!
addition from Dot the EspressoHead:
so does instant coffee. Buy a plunger.

Quiz Time!

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Coffee Effiminate?

Taken from A Character of Coffee and Coffee-Houses published in 1661, ten years after the first coffee-house opened in England.

The other Sex hath just cause to curse the day, in
which it was brought into England, Had Women any
sense or spirit, they would remonstrate to his
Majestie, that Men in former times were more able,
then now, They had stronger Backs, and were more
Benevolent, so that Hercules in one night got fifty
Women with Child, and a Prince of Spain as forc’d to
make an Edict, that the Men should not repeat the act
of Coition above nine times a night, for before the
Edict, belike Men did exceed that proportion; That in
this Age, Men drink so many Spirits and Essences, so
much Strong-water, so many several sorts of Wine,
such abundance of Tobacco, and (now at last)
pernicious Coffee, that they are grown as impotent as
Age, as dry and as unfruitful, as they Deserts of
Africk. Having remonstrated this, they would (were
they wise) petition his Majesty to forbid Men the
drinking of effeminating Coffee, and to command
them instead thereof to drink delicious Chocolate.

Be more masculine. Drink chocolate.

Etymologically

In researching the origins of the word Cappuccino I came across this explanation:

Cappuccino means ‘little hood’ or ‘little monk’s cowl.’ Capucchio is ‘hood’ and –ino is a common Italian diminutive ending, hence ‘little hood.’ Capucchio is from Late Latin cappa ‘cap, cape, hooded cloak, small head gear,’ possibly shortened from the Late Latin noun capitulare ‘headdress,’ ultimately from Latin caput ‘head.’

Originally Cappuccino was the Italian term for a Capuchin friar. This Roman Catholic order of friars wore brown robes with pointed hoods. The full title of the order was Ordo Fratrum Minorum Capuccinorum, which translates to The Order of the Friars Minor of the Little Hoods. Their ideals emphasised poverty in order to appeal more to the people. This must have fallen by the wayside a little, because the order is still kicking today and they have their own website. They are apparently still the strictest of the orders, so who knows what the other orders go for in terms of the internet? Preaching via webcam? Podcasts?

The first cappuccino served had little peaks of foam that looked like the hoods of the Capuchin friars, and the colour of the coffee also reminded the Italians of the brown robes the friars wore. In other words, the popular cup was named by visual analogy. Likewise goes for the Capuchin monkey.

"This borrowing of a formal ecclesiastical term to name something secular and lowly is part of the broad, quite healthy, anticlerical, usually anti-Catholic humour that is widespread in Italy. Hundreds of words and phrases mock the omnipresent Roman Catholicism of Italy."

There is a feminine Italian word cappuccina ‘Capuchin nun.’ But on the Roman street it almost always means a salad of mixed herbs and is a not-too-sly reference to the supposed texture of a nun's unsullied pubic hair.

So really, every time you have a Cappuccino, you're participating in taking the piss out of the Catholics. Brilliant!

The commandments in relation to coffee

...and there began the working week. And she decreed to those followers who rise early for the great olfactory gift the coffee bean hath giveth:

Thou shalt not covet tea, the lesser
Thou shalt have a preferred vessel for the partaking of the elixir, and mourn such a vessel in it's absence
Thou shalt abhor styrofoam
Thou shalt not speak before partaking of the first cup of the elixir
Thou shalt not use the hand that holdeth the vessel of elixir for any menial task, lest the elixir be spilled upon carpet
Thou shalt not waste
Thou shalt not order decaf
Thou shalt not douse fellow workmates with the contents of an entire cup
Thou shalt not taint thy own elixir with foul and evil soy
Thou shalt depend upon this life-giving substance daily

Here endeth the lesson, she decreed.