From frustration

Looking at the clock and it's 2:33am. I've tried twice to get to sleep and all I've had is muscle spasms, twisting and turning, a fearful compulsive let-this-go-and-I'll-die grip on my teddy bear, a persistent headache and a mother-fucking TRUCKLOAD of frustration. This has been going on for weeks, but is persistently getting worse.

To put it mildly I'm not enjoying life at the moment. It's not just the sleeping - I think that's more a side effect than a symptom anyway. So during my flipping, turning, headache soaked, bear hugging night I have decided to seek the little things that I enjoy and give them more importance in my thoughts. In fact, to blog about them. In doing that I hope to remind myself that it's not all crap out there. Just some bits are.

Today a train driver made me smile. I had swung out around a fence in order to get down onto the tracks and checkout something I'd seen down there. I'd checked it out and was back on the wrong side of the fence when the tracks started emanating their mechanical whistling, warning that something was travelling along them, and close. Beauty! I stopped thinking about getting back on the right side of the fence and moved closer to the edge where I could see in between each carriage and almost reach out and touch if I wanted to. Twenty-eight years old, happily watching an approaching train and with absolutely no regard for the fines you can get for being outside the fences. What did the driver do? He grinned right back, leaned out the window and waved at me. Sometimes humanity finds a way to make you grin right on back.

I had a sweet potato scallop from the local fish and chip shop, too. I have discovered that not only are they best deep fried goodness EVER invented, but that they are enhanced even more by adding freshly squeezed lemon. Mix that with the chicken salt already on it and some kind of taste explosion reaction occurs. It can only be good.

Not much else to report.

Maybe I can go to sleep now.

I hope.