SuperSucker

I bought a vacuum. Two thousand watts of cheaply made supersucking household domesticy. Ahhh. I love it almost as much as my kitchen.

The vacuum is good for everything. I give them hell. These things don’t only do floors. They do window sills. Blinds. Skirting boards. Upholstery. This thing will suck up all the dead flies out of the light fittings. Hell, why bother with swiping a spiderweb down with a cobweb brush? Don’t you get sick of the fucking spiders crawling down the handle, or falling off on to the floor? Suck them out of existence and the spider that came with it will disappear in a whirlwind of cyclonic beauty.

Deeply engrossed in my domestic supersucking bliss I decided to clean the bathroom. I did the edges of the mirror, the top of the lightswitch, in beside and behind the toilet. All was going well, beautifully even. And then I spotted a bunch of offensive dust specks on top of the toilet roll holder. Well we’ll just suck those out of existence too then!

Note to Self: In future DO NOT place the nozzle of the supersucking awesome vacuum cleaner (on maximum suckage setting) anywhere near a toilet roll.

Before I knew it, the entire roll was gone. Unravelled all the way down the tube and spinning madly in the cyclonic catcher. Holy shit that was quick! I thought as I started to laugh, standing alone in my own bathroom holding a vacuum nozzle and looking at the empty roll on the holder.

So from now on I think I’ll stick to vacuum cleaning everything except the roll holder.