Choosing a band name is a pisser of a task.

You sit around, you think about it. You spit out something half decent, and everyone sits around and thinks about it. Nobody commits. Especially when it is a new band where the members aren't completely comfortable with each other yet. I don't want to be seen as the veto stamp for every new suggestion, so I sit back and appear to think seriously even if my first reaction is I will never appear on stage with that name, get yourself a midi backing track, because you don't have a bass player any more.

I'm picky. I don't want to be in a band that starts with The. It's overdone - successful, but overdone. I don't want to work under a name that screams we should playing at some spoilt little turd's birthday party somewhere between the rent-a-clown and the jumping castle. Nor do I want to work under any name that ends with z. Leave that sort of thing to the tryhard metal wannabes who think that tone is a Boss Metalzone pedal with all the knobs turned to flat out and that your status as a guitarist is directly in proportion to the size of your Marshall stack. I also wish to be spared from the cheap lounge hell of being "Somebody" and "the Someones". Exceptions will of course be made, if it is in the name of taking the piss.

I once played in Slippery Kitty... misprinted on the promo material as Slippery Titties. My favourite name so far was one chosen from a headline in a trashy women's magazine in the final half hour before our first gig together. It narrowly saved us from being Vinyl Revival or the guitarist's favourite suggestion of Professor Whittaker's Chunderbucket. He's been wanting to use the band name for years but it has never eventuated. I wonder why.

In an effort to avoid the truly terrible fate of working under a name that I don't like, I'm throwing the doors open for suggestions. What the hell would be a good name for a band that plays covers for the dancing pub-goers? Does it really matter when the majority of your audience is going to either be monumentally stupid or plastered or a combination of the both?